Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Jitters (and moaning)

I've had a case of Wedding Jitters recently. Bad dreams where it all goes wrong, the works. I blame the dressmaker I went to see the other week (she's taking up the hem of my dress). She started asking all these questions like, Who is doing your make-up? (Um... me?), What are your shoes like? (Um...dunno) and How will you be wearing your hair? (I don't bloody know!)

I ended up feeling really crap for not being the type of person that maps out every single minute detail months in advance. I am more of your make-it-up-as-I-go-along types. In novel writing and life.
Too many decisions to make! Too much organising, when I barely have the time to brush my hair in the morning, let alone think about how I might want to do it in TWO MONTHS time!! I mean... seriously...
I don't know. It all seems a lot of money and FAFF and I'm not sure it'll actually change anything whatsoever about my relationship with LP. I'm kind of wishing we'd gone for a registry office job now with two witnesses dragged off the street, then a pint in the pub. We're not doing a Wayne n' Colleen style extravaganza by any means (although if OK magazine offered to cough up £2.5m I might be tempted to shift the whole thing to Italy), but even so... having to make decisions about how we want the napkins folded and what sort of glitter we want sprinkled on the tables at the reception...arrrgghh! I don't know! I don't really care either!

I poured my heart out to Nice Neighbour yesterday. "If I'd known it was all going to be such a palaver, I think I'd rather have stayed happily unmarried," I moaned.
"But you've got all those things to look forward to!" she replied, shocked. "Like... changing your surname and..."
"I'm not going to change my surname," I interrupted.
"Oh," she said.

Sorry. Moaning. Trying hard not to. It's just doing my head in a bit...

17 comments:

Helen said...

Changing my surname was something I really wasn't looking forward to doing. (Do women actually look forward to doing that?) Which is why I use my maiden name for writing. It's more 'me'.

wontletlifedefineme said...

You don't have to go out and arrange fancy hair, fancy make-up, fancy shoes. Just as long as you organise enough things in order to have a good time (I'd say invitations and wedding location is enough). The whole point of getting married is to celebrate the love between two people and I don't think the 'wrong' shoes will have any effect on that. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful wedding!

JJ said...

None of that stuff is important. Don't fret about them.

Angie said...

You're exactly right: none of that stuff will change your relationship. Just enjoy yourself. Too many girls get wrapped up in the wedding planning and forget to enjoy the getting married part. You've got your priorities straight.

Pacha said...

Stick with it...it'll be soooooo worth it in the end! You'll have a lovely make it up as you go along wedding too!

Lucy Diamond said...

Helen - hmmm, don't get me started on the whole surname thing. You'd think with one as cumbersome as mine, I'd be desperate to get shot of it, but actually...it's my name! And I feel too old to change it now. *sigh*

Marjolein - yes, yes, yes, you are so right, thank you. We've got a fab location, good food and booze, good DJ... and each other. Sod the bloody table decorations!

Thanks JJ, that is going to be my new mantra, I think!

Thanks for saying that, Angie. You're right - number one priority is to enjoy it all, not get wound up by a stupid dressmaker.

Pacha...oh, I hope so!

L-Plate Author said...

Just like a beautiful ending to a romance novel, ups and downs and everything, it will all work out on the day honey. It's part of the...erm, fun...xxx

Caroline said...

so how are you folding the napkins?

Oh my! You're in a different world to anything I have ever experienced, but just think of all the fabulous stuff you'll have for a novel :)

But really really really - do people discuss how they're going to fold napkins? I think I am slightly disturbed :)

xxx

Lucy Diamond said...

L-Plate - that is such a good way to look at it. I can do that kind of analogy! And, as another writer friend pointed out to me yesterday, it's all good research, innit?!

Caroline - I know!! The napkin thing cracked me up. Apparently some people really do care though. How nice it must be, if all you are worried about is your napkins!! And yes, this is SO going in a novel....

girl with the mask said...

Everybody knows that the merits of the Bishop's Hat far outweigh the Chinese Fan so I presume that is what you plucked for?

Debi said...

The benefit of my experience:

1) Our recent dramas prove that the best-laid plans can come unstuck.
2) But that doesn't mean that the end result is anything other than amazing on every level.
3) As an ex-wedding photographer I also know that the best ones are those where everything isn't planned to within an inch of its glitzy life, but the couple are relaxed and determined to enjoy whatever the day brings.

Have fun!

Lucy Diamond said...

Girl....don't say that! I decided against the Bishop's Hat! Have I made a terrible mistake??

Debi, I didn't know you were an ex-wedding photographer! If I had, I would have been begging you to get out your tripod for one last time...!
You are right though - relaxed is the way to do it. And I am feeling MUCH calmer about it all since I started delegating...

Clare Sudbery said...

JUST SAY NO.

This is how other people do their weddings; it doesn't have to be how you do yours.

This is why weddings can be such a waste of time, because there is such a culture of over-spending and over-planning that they turn into months of stress for just one day, and it simply isn't worth it. BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT.

Focus on what's important to you, not what's important to other people.

The nest time people ask you questions like that, look at them incredulously and say things like "Oh dearie me, I won't be faffing about with any of that crap. My wedding will be a joyous fun occasion, not a military campaign. I'm a carefree kind of gal, I'm just going to see how the mood takes me."

If you were planning a good night out with the girls you would get dressed up and look fabulous, but would you plan your make-up, outfit, shoes and hair months in advance? Of course not. You can look beautiful without taking that approach.

I'm the same with things liek building work. I just want to arrange for someone to do it and then hand it over, and not get all obsessed at every last detail. Did my head in when we had the loft conversion and they kept approaching me with catalogs and asking me what kind of handles I wanted, etc. "I don't care, as long as they work!" is what I thought. And afterwards there were small details that weren't perfect, but I was much happier to pay them and shoo them out of my house pronto, rather than go around with a notepad niggling over every last detail.

On the day, you really should NOT be obsessing over what kind of glitter there is or whether you have a hair out of place. You should be having FUN. The less you let yourself get pulled into that kind of nonsense beforehand, the less you'll be distracted by it on the day.

Lucy Diamond said...

Oh Clare....I think I love you. Will you marry me??

Paula said...

Although it annoyed me at the time, I would always suggest to people that they should just go abroad and get married alone, like my sister did. While I was raging I didn't get to be bridesmaid (still am a bit, if I'm honest - how could she!!!), I know she found it far less stressful . . . and she had a party for all the relatives after she got back and therefore got to wear her dress twice! Obviously though, it's a bit late for me to suggest this now . . .

Lucy Diamond said...

Paula, there's a lot to be said for getting married alone, I think! (even if the relatives are a bit miffed...) I can totally see the attraction right now!

Clare Sudbery said...

"Will you marry me??"

Aw shucks, all right then. Now then, about napkins. I'd like them duck-shaped, please. And I'll need £1000 and 24 hours to get my hair right, and don't forget there has to be exactly 24.3cm between each place setting, and that castle in Scotlandm the expensive one, we should do it there, and there must be exactly 32 blooms in each centrepiece, and...