I feel in a bit of a whirl at the moment. Keep forgetting important things (best friend's birthday present being the worst) but also not feeling on top of emails, bills, letters, blogging... I need a day to go through paperwork, filing, all that sort of stuff that makes you feel in control. No time for that now, sadly, I am just going to have to get through the move and hope to mop it all up afterwards, famous last words...
It's my son's 5th birthday tomorrow. Of course, being a sentimental old fool, I am thinking a lot about the day he was born, in 2002. It was the most perfect birth, quick and easy, right in the middle of our bed. I was listening to Moon Safari by Air (yes - just like Sadie in Any Way You Want Me) and every time I hear that album now, I get the shivers. I felt so in control the whole time, really primitive and powerful, if that doesn't sound too loopy. And then there he was, my son, all eight and a half pounds of him, so gorgeous and perfect and... Sorry. Getting carried away. But ooh, I'm dead proud of him.
In between packing boxes and writing our school appeal letter (gaahhhh) I am reading this - Home by Julie Myerson. It's about her house in Clapham, and her researching everyone who ever lived there. It is absolutely perfect reading for me right now - tuning into all those home-feelings I'm having. It starts with her coming back from the library and telling her daughter how she's just found out the names of the people who first lived in the house. There's this great scene where her daughter ponders about how long it's been since anyone called their names in the house - "Florence! Tea!" etc - and the two of them stand in the house calling out the original residents' names. I just love that idea. She also writes about how the way that an old house has echoes of all those who have lived in it. She describes pacing up and down with a baby, "knees caving in with exhaustion", trying to soothe it back to sleep - and thinking about the countless other people who have done the same thing within those walls, paced the same rooms, murmured the same things to grizzling babies, how everything you do in a house like that has been done before... Oh, I'm just drinking it in, I love thinking about that!
Hostages to Fortune
19 hours ago