I am having a wobble this evening. Three weeks on Friday, Any Way You Want Me is published. Copies are in the warehouse right now, apparently. Twenty author copies are winging their way to me. Actual copies of my novel!!!
That's good, right? I know what you're thinking: What's the problem, you drama queen? Stop moaning. Get a grip! Bombs are going off around the world, people are starving, and you're still banging on about your wretched book! Leave it out!
I know all that. But I am still having a wobble. Up until now, the ride has been great. It's over a year since I got the call - They said yes! They've made you an offer! - right in the middle of W H Smiths, actually. I thought I was going to pass out with joy. This was my big dream, my biggest ambition, getting a novel published. Wow. It was going to happen, really actually happen!
And ever since then, it's been so exciting - telling all my friends, meeting all the lovely publishing people, seeing the proofs and cover, writing this blog - in fact, being Lucy Diamond has been great full stop so far. I have loved it. The thing is, that exciting limbo period is coming to an end quite soon. And for as long as I've known my novel is going to be published, I've had all these amazing little day dreams about it. Of course I have - wouldn't you? Surely every author does this - fantasises about being there in the bestseller lists, the film options, the pats on the back, the glowing reviews. Oh, I've so enjoyed thinking about all that!
But in three weeks' time, that bit is over. Reality kicks in. I'll find out at last what people actually think of it. I am terrified, you know. I'm really nervous. What if everyone thinks it's awful? What if it is panned in the reviews? What if all the playground mums think I'm a complete slapper? (I bet they will)
I've got a review coming out this Sunday but I'm so nervous I'm not even going to tell you which newspaper it's in, just in case it's bad. (If it IS bad, forget it, you'll never hear from me again, I'm taking to bed for the rest of the year.) Oh helpppp!!!
I know I'm being overly dramatic about all this. I will probably be fine tomorrow.
Three weeks, two days and counting...