Friday, 9 March 2007

Who would you invite?

I'm filling in an interview for the lovely Jess at The Book Bar at the moment - but have stalled on one question. In fact, this question has taken over my whole mind because I'm struggling to pin down the answer.

It is: Which six people (alive/dead/real/fictional) would you invite to a dinner party, and why?

You might think it's easy but I'm telling you, it's not.
First, I went for the fit men approach - Hmmm, George, Brad, Orlando, you can all come. Then I got a bit worried about what Hollywood A-listers would think of our house. I wouldn't want anyone turning their noses up at me. (Also beloved partner might get a bit p'd off with me for making eyes at George Clooney across the table.)

Then, I started thinking about people I could imagine having excellent dinner table stories to make me laugh: Jonathan Ross, Ricky Gervais, Peter Kay - yep, all hilarious, you can definitely come. But what if they got a bit competitive about who was the funniest? What if there was an almighty ego clash right there in my kitchen?

Hmmmm. Tricky. Then I started thinking about guests who'd be able to provide excellent showbiz gossip. Graham Norton - too annoying. Charlotte Church - she'd be a laugh but she'd want Gavin to come too and no offence, but he seems a bit dull.

I was starting to feel a bit shallow. Is this how I choose my friends? People who can make me laugh and provide excellent gossip? Well, actually... Pretty much, yes. Oh dear. Quick, I thought, think of someone historical, to add a bit of gravitas to the occasion. Ummm... Henry VIII? No, that fat bastard would eat all the food. Queen Elizabeth? Looks a bit up herself. Can't imagine her spluttering wine down her nose at Jonathan Ross's jokes. Gandhi? Well... I'd feel I couldn't get properly lashed and cheeky in front of someone like that.

See what I mean? It's difficult. I mentioned it to partner who immediately said, "Oh, I'd definitely invite Tony Benn". And that's the difference between us. He (clearly on a higher intellectual plane) invites a legendary politician. I (on a low, low barely-intellectual-at-all plane) would be put off by Tony Benn's pipe smoke, and pick someone I can have a laugh with.

Maybe I'm taking this a bit too seriously? It's not real, I keep having to remind myself. You aren't really going to have to cook for six famous people, some of whom might be dead/not actually real.

All the same, I'm never going to be able to finish this interview. The only definite is J K Rowling so I can get her tipsy and persuade her to tell me how Harry Potter is going to end. But that's five places left to fill. Suggestions, anyone?

33 comments:

liz fenwick said...

Don't know why but I instantly thought of Churchill......because I thought he would be witty...if that's any help...

It is a tough question and I'm not sure who I would include. Better you than me :-)

Lucy Diamond said...

Good one, Liz. I'd have to have a word with him about the cigar smoke, though...

Jen said...

Oh, I like this game!! Morning!!!

Ok, it obviously varies but, if the dinner party's tonight, how about...

Eddie Izzard: V funny but you'd ave to keep your wardrobe locked in case he made off with your sequinned stilettos.

Tom Baker: Cos he's all tall and manly and I like his voice. And I could put poison in his food since he nearly knocked me off the pavement into the path of a jolly fast car in Tunbridge Wells a couple of months ago.

Yeah, kleptomaniacs and accidental murderers. Not a bad start.

X

Lucy Diamond said...

Eddie Izzard - excellent suggestion. I don't have any sequinned stilettoes, so I'd be quite safe there. (Maybe I could nick his, even better!)

Tom Baker - agree on the voice, yes. But he'd be barred because of the almost-killing-you incident. Sorry, Tom. You're OFF the list, mate. Name's not down, you're not coming in...

Jen said...

Poor Tom. Ok, if we're going for voice, how about Brian Blessed? Maybe he'd be a bit greedy and eat all the food though.

Basil Brush? Nice line in jackets. And the Dukes of Hazzard. Just because!

Lucy Diamond said...

Basil Brush? I'd have to stuff him in the oven and serve him up as a starter, the annoying little git!

Dukes and Brian - cool. Jen, you're good at this!

Julia Buckley said...

Can I come?

I'll bring ferrero rocher.

Lucy Diamond said...

Okay, you can come - as long as you bring a bottle with the ferreros. I promise I won't really serve up roast Basil Brush for a starter. So who would you like to sit next to?

Sezzie said...

If there are ferrero rocher on offer, I'd like to fill one of the seats please!
I would invite Mr Big and Aidan from S&TC so I could decide for myself which one Carrie should have gone for....personally I've always been an Aidan fan.....

JJ said...

It's probably a little tragic and certainly rather serious, but I've always wished I knew my Dad'd Dad better. I was under 10 when he died, but when I got older and interested in the First World War, I wished I'd been able to talk to him about it. He was wounded at Gallipoli. He never talked about it, my Dad says, but maybe he would've with me because I was his grand daughter. Mind you, it wouldn't make for a very cheerful dinner party, would it? Scrap that then. Back to the drawing board...

Lucy Diamond said...

No, it's not tragic at all - when I was thinking about my list last night, I had exactly the same thoughts about my grannies. It would be fascinating to meet them again now and see them through adult eyes. It would be especially great to meet them as they were in their twenties, when they were full of beans. And Granny M used to be a hairdresser in Harrods back before she had my aunts and dad, so I bet she had loads of good stories to tell!

Sezzie - actually, I'd quite like to invite Carrie round (although I'd definitely have a wardrobe crisis first, I'm sure)

mad muthas said...

that's so funny! i love that you've got yourself into a state about it ... even though it's only pretendy.
(perhaps you need, like me, to chill out and stop being oversensitive - sorry, that was wrong, but i'm still fuming)
x

Lucy Diamond said...

Ahh but Meg, is it us who need to 'chill out and stop being oversensitive' or other people who need to stop being so damn rude?
I wonder...

mad muthas said...

how can she not see how incredibly insulting and patronising it was? no hint of an apology - not even, 'sorry if i've upset you, i certainly didn't mean to'. it's entirely OUR problem because certain people are prickly. i could slap her!
(sorry - floodgates appear to have opened)

Working Mum said...

Hey Being Lucy Diamond

Sod it, go back to the good-looking ones. I would. you're thinking about it too hard! Thanks for visiting my blog the other day. You now grace my blogroll! :-)

Jessica said...

Oh dear, sorry to be the cause of this trauma!

Looking forward to reading your final decision anyway...

(Oh, and extremely rude. Inflated ideas of one's own importance, anyone?)

mutterings and meanderings said...

Hello, I'd invite Marilyn Monroe so I could ask her if she was murdered or not.

Similarly, I'd ask Richard III to find out whether he killed the princes in the Tower.

A. Writer said...

I think I would invite Billy Connolly, William Wallace, Johnny Depp, Kate Winslet, Merlin and Elphaba (the wicked witch from the Wizard of Oz).

Lucy Diamond said...

See, you're all much better at this than me. Funnily enough, A Writer, Kate Winslet is on my final six too - and they are...

[drum roll please]

Jonathan Ross
J K Rowling
Ricky Gervais
Sharon Osbourne
Peter Kay
Kate Winslet

I toyed with the idea of Vera Duckworth too, in case it all got a bit too showbizzy, so she's my subsitute in case anyone drops out. Oh, and maybe Supernanny too - she can get up with the kids in the morning while partner and I have a lie in.
Now all I need to do is write the invitations and decide what to cook. Thanks, everyone. You've been VERY helpful!

Jessica said...

Now with that list, you have put yourself top of my list of My New Best Friends. Sharon Osbourne Rules. She is my favourite favourite.

But you can't have Supernanny until she learns to pronounce unassepable [sic] properly...

I am super excited about my new interview slot - and you know you are going to be the first?...

mad muthas said...

awwww - you've done boy girl boy girl.

SUSAN HILL said...

Oi ! You leave George Clooney out of this. He`s mine, mine, mine.

Anonymous said...

Surely this is all supremely fatuous unless you invite someone who is going to a/ give some insight into the human condition b/ give us a better understanding of world history ? For fuck's sake, inviting Eddie Izzard and Tom Baker isn't going to teach us anything we don't already know - or isn't that the point ?

What about inviting :-

Judas Iscariot - Why did he stitch up Jesus for 30 silvers ?

Lee Harvey Oswald - Was he really acting alone ?

Denis Healey - Find out what really goes on at a Bilderberg conference [would need the thumbscrews for this]

David Lynch - What the fuck is Inland Empire really about ?

Ruth Turner - Get her pissed and find out what REALLY happened when Lord Levy popped round for a chat.
Perhaps she was crying because he started trotting out his Alvin Stardust anecdotes

Or if she can't attend, invite Lord Levy himself and sit him next to Mr Iscariot.

Winston Churchill would be a good choice, as you could ask him to justify his use of chemical weapons against the Iraqis, and pass on his advice to current politicians.

If all this is a bit serious, one could invite Craig Brown and Rory Bremner - between them they could caricature anyone I've left off the list...

Come on folks, use some imagination and creative thinking...

Lucy Diamond said...

Tell you what, Anonymous, you invite that lot to your dinner party. I'm sticking with my unashamedly populist choice - and proud!

Julia Buckley said...

Wolverine from the X-Men. He's yummy. Although I'm not sure how refined his table manners will be. Still, he'll bring his own knives, so that should cut down on the washing-up.

If he can't make it then I'd like Ioan Gruffudd please - in character as Horatio Hornblower.

Corr, is dinner going to be ready soon? I'm drooling already.

Anonymous said...

Re Mad Muthas' posting: "how can she not see how incredibly insulting and patronising it was? no hint of an apology - not even, 'sorry if i've upset you, i certainly didn't mean to'."

Is it possible she doesn't realise how rude she's been?

Caroline said...

Looks like I've missed out on a party of sorts here! Interesting commments.

I'm with Julia with Wolverine. I have an itch that I can't quite scratch.
x

Lucy Diamond said...

Caroline - I almost put down Simon Cowell on my list but didn't because I didn't want to make you jealous!
I don't know who Wolverine is - at first I thought it might be Wolf from that crappy gameshow that used to be on about 10 years ago (mind's gone blank - Ulrika used to present it) but surely I'm wrong?

Julia Buckley said...

He's a comic book character. I am very sad.

Caroline said...

OH MY GOD! Have you not seen Xmen???????? Google image 'Hugh Jackman' and the dribble in delight! Also Simon .... he would have been a wonderful guest! OOOOOH.

x

Lucy Diamond said...

Ooh! I have googled - and I agree. Tasty, tasty, very very tasty. Must watch XMen while other half is out of the country to indulge in some loud, whole-hearted PHWOOOARs at the screen!

mad muthas said...

oh goodness - i thought anonymous meant that my 'boy girl boy girl' post was insulting and patronising (in some way i hadn't understood) - and i was about to apologise lavishly. how very, very amusing!

Lucy Diamond said...

No, I loved your boy/girl comment - and yes, obviously that's exactly what I'd done. You've got to do these things properly, Mad Muthas!